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Before you read this please take note that this is not a real interview. It is completely made up and fictitious. There is some truth in it about Jack’s weight and how he didn’t go through cosmetic surgery, but lost it through going to rehab. Sharon Osbourne did not phone in about the dogs and Jack Osbourne has never met me. It is supposed to be comical but, in no way represents what I think of The Osbourne’s. Although they do swear a lot I exaggerated it to make it sound funny. No harm was meant to The Osbourne’s in writing this it is just supposed to be a light hearted way of doing a blog post that is a bit different from the norm. I hope you enjoy reading it and having a chuckle.

Interviewer: Hi Jack take a seat.

Jack: Thanks.

Interviewer: We called you into the studio today to talk about cosmetic surgery.

(Jack looks around the studio)

Interviewer: I believe that you have had a makeover without the plastic surgery

Jack: Yes, that’s right. Whilst I was in Thailand I had detox which involved s**t loads of regular, serious exercise and strict f*****g dieting.

Interviewer: I hope you don’t mind me asking, but what were you at your heaviest and what do you weigh now?

Jack: I was almost f*****g 230 lbs and now I weigh about 147 lbs.

Interviewer: Wow that’s an awesome weight loss. I wish I could lose that amount of weight. It sounds like detox definitely worked for you. What would you say to our viewers who are listening today? Have you got any advice?

Jack: Well… Yes, get to an f*****g detox clinic it definitely worked for me although it was a f*****g hard slog.

Interviewer: So detox can help you lose the weight very quickly and that’s what happened to you. What was the most you lost in a week?

Jack: S**t man I lost almost 10 lbs in one week. If I’d have opted for liposuction, gastric bypass surgery or barium surgery the results would be quite different.

Interviewer: So what is your daily routine like now Jack?

Jack: You really want to know my f*****g routine? Next you’ll be asking how many times I go and s**t during the day.

Laughter echoes around the studio

Jack: Well.. OK then you f*****g asked. I get up about 7am and do a: 45-minute run, at 8am I eat fruit salad and have dietary supplements, at 8.40am: after waiting 40 minutes for the fruit to digest I eat a bowl of porridge. Then at 9am I go rock climbing. I have my lunch about 1pm which is usually salad with lean chicken. Then at 2pm I do some more rock climbing whilst snacking on dried fruit and nuts. At 8pm: I have a balanced evening meal such as pasta or meat and vegetables. Then more dietary pills and I always try to make it to my bed by 11pm if I’m not entertaining some chick.

Interviewer: Wow, thanks Jack. O.k we have a caller on the line. Oh, it’s Jack’s mother Sharon. Hi Sharon, I believe you have a question for Jack?

Sharon: Jack, did you let the f*****g dogs out? They’ve done a crap on my new sofa.

Jack goes bright red and looks embarrassed.

Interviewer: O.k, O.k swiftly moving on I think we’ll take the next caller.

Caller: Hi Jack, I think you are gorgeous by the way. I really love you, but I heard a different story than the one you just told. I heard rumours that you went under liposuction to get your new toned look. Is this true?

Jack: No f*****g way. People said that I must have gone under liposuction because they couldn’t believe that I looked this good without having cosmetic surgery, but it’s completely not true. I get f*****g angry with people who get cosmetic surgery because it’s completely unnecessary and I think that people who get plastic surgery are living up to their vain expectations. I’ve read stuff saying I’ve had a nose job and lipo and that I had a nose BRAD PITT would envy.

Interviewer: It seems like people just like to gossip.

Jack: Yeah, I don’t think I’m that f*****g kind of person who would have it. I’m just not that type.

Interviewer: O.k well thanks for joining us in the studio today Jack, but one more question before you leave us. Did you find it difficult to lose the weight?

Jack: I didn’t actually find it hard to lose the weight. Its not like someone held a gun to my head and made me eat healthy f*****g foods. I dieted because I wanted to do it. I’ve never taken my dieting to extremes, nor have I cut out certain foods completely. I now weigh around 11 stone.

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I would also just like to apologise if I upset anyone by writing the post about Jack and Kelly not liking each other. I am sure that they love one another, but probably fight a lot. I know that my brother and I love each other dearly, but when we are together we fight a lot. It is difficult to know sometimes what is true and what is not. The papers write so many things that when you read them you don’t know if they are true or not. I have never wanted to hurt or upset anyone by writing this blog it is just my way of expressing my gratitude and love towards The Osbourne family because I think they are fantastic and have contributed so much to this world. I’m sure Kelly and Jack do love one another, but just like other brother’s and sister’s they say things to one another that they do not mean. In the end family is the important matter and just like my brother and I we fight, but when it comes down to it we think the world of one another. If anything was wrong with either of us we would be quick to help one another. I remember each Christmas when my brother lived over here we would have a family gathering which wouldn’t be complete if my brother and I didn’t have an argument. I’m sure Kelly and Jack love one another dearly and I am sorry if I gave the wrong impression to anyone about them disliking each other.

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